Here and now

Two unrelated things have got me thinking about the mystery of time lately.

The first is the novel, “The Time Traveler’s Wife”, which I have just finished reading.

The novel is essentially a love story. Henry has a genetic disorder that causes him to travel across time. He finds himself suddenly teleported to another period in his life for reasons entirely beyond his control. Mostly, he travels to the past, and on one such expedition, he meets a little girl, Clare, who would become his wife. The novel traces their love story through all the complications of time travel and raises interesting issues. Like, when Henry travels to the past and meets a young Clare, should he tell her that in future, they are married to each other? And when Henry travels to the future and knows when he will die, should he tell Clare in the present? And so on. 

The second thing that made me ponder the passage of time is the arrival of our new co-worker, G. In the course of orientating her to life and ministry here, I have sometimes wished I could download all those insights and observations into some computer chip, which could then be uploaded onto her, so that all I have learnt and experienced can be shared with her in its entirety. She would then reap the fruit of our combined experience over three years in an instant. How convenient would that be?

Well, that of course is impossible. Without the prospect of such a transfer of information, I tried hard to communicate effectively and compellingly so she would really understand the reality of what I wanted to express. At other times, I shared certain things knowing that it was too early for her to fully understand, simply because those events that I’ve experienced have yet to unfold for her. And so, I must be patient. She has to live life here for herself. Different things will unravel before her, and then, she will have a real, personal experience, and she will truly know something to be true for herself.

Then, something hit me. I started seeing with greater clarity the journey that God and I have walked together in this land. And what a journey it has been! So much has happened, and sometimes in such dramatic ways. And I have experienced it, step by step as it unfolded, in my present, together with a God who is outside time, yet always here and now.

When the Bible refers to our life of faith as a walk with God, it really is that. You quite literally walk together with God, through the events of life. You don’t sit and wait for things to come to you, neither do you run and see everything go by in a blur. No, you walk in the present, step by step, meeting each event as it comes with sobriety, walking through it, and then taking one more step ahead, which brings the future into the present.

But each step is different from the previous, if we are truly walking with God. With each step, we grow in wisdom and understanding, and that helps us to take the next step with greater confidence and purpose. The past remains unchangeable, the future is still unknowable, but as we mature from deep within, our walk becomes steadier, our steps more certain.

There is one image from my past that keeps coming back to me. It captures the deep restlessness within me to know what the future holds. I see myself as a teenager who doesn’t yet know Christ. I stand at my window in my bedroom at night and look out onto the Kranji expressway, basked in the orangey glow of streetlamps. As a vehicle speeds by in the still of the night, I follow it with my eyes until it disappears from view, wishing it could somehow bring me into a future that would be full of promise.

In a month’s time, I would be home in my bedroom. I will undoubtedly gaze out of the window and have many deja-vu moments. But I hope that inner restlessness to know the future will be abated, and in its place, a quiet peace will reign, from a deep personal knowledge that God is in the here and now, and all He says is “Walk with Me.”