To be poured out

“God does not give us overcoming life – He gives us life as we overcome. The strain of life is what builds our strength. If there is no strain, there will be no strength.” (Oswald Chambers)

Three images came to mind when I read the above one morning. They would prove to be quite prophetic.

The first was of a man rowing a boat leisurely in a tranquil lake, where all is peaceful and calm. He is relaxed and having a good time. This was in contrast to another man who was out at sea, rowing his boat against strong currents, battling the winds and the waves. He is rowing intently, every muscle straining as he inches forward slowly but steadily. It is the resistance of the elements that make the second rower strong and fit. He attains a level of strength and skill that the first amateur rower will likely never achieve if he should stay in the lake always.

As someone who participated in competitive sports growing up, I knew what Chambers was trying to express quite well. All sportsmen know that strength is impossible without strain. No one ever achieved sporting excellence by sitting back and taking life easy. But still, the instinct of self-preservation runs so deep within us, that we tend to avoid anything that would strain or drain us. Often, our personal comfort and convenience is the first thing we consider when we weigh our options.

The third image was a scene from an interview with the late Christian singer-songwriter Rich Mullins that I watched more than a decade ago in San Jose, California. The image of his weather-beaten, tanned and wrinkled face, and his windswept hair seems forever etched in my memory.

He said that some of his friends have expressed concern at how tired he looked. I don’t remember his exact reply, but he said something to this effect - “Of course I’m tired. You should be concerned if I’m not tired. That means I’m not serving God hard enough.”

Now, I don’t think Rich Mullins was encouraging people to be burnt out in serving God. Neither do I. But the sentiments he expressed touched me deeply, and still move me today ten years on. What I heard and saw was a conviction that our service to God must be wholehearted and resolute, with abandon and total commitment. We are to pour ourselves out in serving God and others, with no thought for our personal comfort and convenience. The fact that Rich Mullins died in a tragic car accident makes the memory of the interview especially poignant. When he expressed his desire to be thoroughly spent for God, he didn't know then that he wouldn't have many years left to live.

Just prior to going back to Singapore, I taught module 1 and 2 concurrently, with the latter being offered at two time slots on the same day to serve a group of students who come from a more remote part of Dili. The packed schedule drained me tremendously, both physically and emotionally. I decided I couldn’t sustain the workload. Subsequently, we decided that LS would teach module 1 this time round, while I follow my batch of students up to module 2. Well, those plans need to be revamped just two weeks on, as tends to happen in the mission field!

We are in the middle of a four-month school vacation now. Hordes of young people have plenty of free time and are in search of meaningful things to do. As a result, enrolment for our module 1 course has shot through the roof. I’ve often joked that we break all the rules of a good language classroom, but 1 teacher to 60 students is really taking the teacher-student ratio too far!

Now, perhaps some of you reading this may dream tonight as Paul did, of someone saying “Come over here and help us!”, but until you do, the only solution is for us to split the large class into two, and for me to teach one class…which would mean a return to my former schedule of teaching two modules concurrently for six days a week.

As that thought ran through my mind, a part of me was a little unwilling to be stretched in that way again. The stubborn instinct of self-preservation was at work. I remembered how tired I was when I taught for six days a week and didn’t wish to experience that again. For the record, missionaries aren’t any more spiritual than anyone else! We have days where we feel lazy and unmotivated too!

But somehow, Rich Mullins’ face slipped into my memory. Why has God given us life? So that it would be poured out for Him and others. During long periods in the past when I’ve experienced great fatigue, I’ve come to understand that rest is a little like manna. God gives us just enough for the day. It may not be as much as we would like, but it shall be sufficient for the day. We are not to worry about how much rest we can get tomorrow. If we try to hoard rest for the next day, it will rot, as the children of Israel found out when they tried to collect more manna than they needed.

So in a strange way, I am looking forward to taking on the module 1 class again. God might be giving me a chance to offer up true worship – by being a living sacrifice that is truly spent and poured out on behalf of others, and ultimately, unto Him.