When Y-E-S is spelt N-O

Embedded within every “yes” to God’s call is a hundred little “nos”. And over and over again, I have come to realize that saying “no” is often a lot harder than the initial “yes”.

The “Yes” is often uttered following a divine revelation of one’s call. One says “Yes” after having caught a glimpse of one’s destiny in God. Sometimes, there is a long wait, and that makes the moment of saying “Yes” even more precious. We then proclaim “Yes” publicly, to the applause of many well-meaning believers who celebrate our act of obedience.

What few people are prepared for is the countless “nos” that are inseparably enmeshed in the “yes”. If one proclaims “Yes” triumphantly on the mountaintop, then one says the “nos” soberly in the valley.

G K Chesterton says that “every act of will is an act of self-limitation”. In choosing one thing, you are in effect saying no to everything else.

“Just as when you marry one woman you give up all the others, so when you take one course of action you give up all the other courses. If you become King of England, you give up the post of Beadle in Brompton. If you go to Rome, you sacrifice a rich and suggestive life in Wimbledon.”

Henri Nouwen also experienced the reality of self-limitation, as he took stock of his new life in Daybreak, a ministry that cares for the intellectually and physically disabled. Having spent most of his life in academia, away from his family, Nouwen was not prepared for the intensity of life in close community, amongst the very needy who were completely dependent on his care.

“When I had said ‘yes’ to the call of Daybreak to join the community as their priest, I hadn’t realized how many painful ‘nos’ were included in that ‘yes’: ‘no’ to choosing the people you want to live with, ‘no’ to spending quality time with people you feel very close to, ‘no’ to a self-defined form of ‘solitude’, ‘no’ to centering my life in the beautiful and supportive friendship with Nathan.” (From “The Journey to Daybreak”)

Yes, saying no is hard to do. It is hard because the things we have to say “no” to are not inherently wrong or bad. In fact, they could be things we enjoy, from which we derive a sense of well-being and contentment. Some may even be considered basic rights of any autonomous adult, like choosing one’s living environment, occupation, friends or recreation. But in the pursuit of God’s kingdom together with, and on behalf of others, some of these legitimate wants and desires have to go.

Little wonder then, that the call to follow Jesus is a call to die. I’m sure Jesus the master communicator phrased it that way for a good reason, because truly, following Him wherever He leads is to die again and again. Every “Yes” to God contains within itself a thousand “Nos” that represent a voluntary dying to the self, for no other reason except to love Him with an undivided heart, and to help others on the same journey.