A bitter pill to swallow
"Woe to those who go down to Egypt for help,
And rely on horses,
Who trust in chariots because they are many,
And in horsemen because they are very strong,
But do not look to the Holy One of Israel,
Nor seek the Lord!" [Isaiah 31:1]
2007 ended with a stupid mistake, and 2008 began on a very, very humbling note.
Over the past few weeks of being sick, I had been furiously googling about the parasite that was supposedly behind the diarrhea. I read tons of medical articles about the parasite, the symptoms, and the treatment. I also got the name of an alternative antibiotic for the condition.
So when LS finished her medication from the hospital and was still unwell, I suggested to her to find this alternative medicine. She did, and got some.
What happened next was a moment that I would regret. Thinking that this new medication was better than the Indonesian medication I got from the hospital, I made the switch - I stopped taking what I was prescribed and started on the new antibiotic.
After three doses of this new drug, the diarrhea returned with a vengeance. Once again I was passing watery stools, and was completely weakened. I feared the onset of anemia again. It was rather frightening. I wondered why the diarrhea had returned again - and then it sank in. The new antibiotic must not be working for me.
I continued to be tormented with discomfort and diarrhea for the next two days. Finally, on the 1st of Jan, 2008, I decided to go back to the hospital for help. I also felt I had something important to do.
The same doctor was there. She was a young Timorese. I told her what happened, and showed her the new antibiotic that I had started taking. Immediately she launched into a lecture on the dangers of switching medicine - the new drug could be too strong and damage my intestines, leaving a chronic problem. By then I was truly repentant and felt so sorry - so sorry for myself, and sorry that I hadn't listened to the doctor.
She then directed me to see a Cuban doctor, who basically gave me the same advice. This Cuban doctor said I should do a stool analysis. So I had to give them a sample. I tried as hard as I could, but I simply couldn't pass any stool.
Oh, the bitter irony of it all! How many times had I prayed desperately for the diarrhea to stop over the past two weeks. And now, at the very moment when I needed to produce some, it just wouldn't come. At that point in time, right there, balancing precariously above the squatting toilet, I was well and truly humbled.
I ended up not giving them a sample. As I walked out of the clinic, I stopped to talk to the young Timorese doctor. I put my hand on her and said sorry in Tetum. She put her hand on mine, said it was ok, and again gave me advice on keeping to doctor's orders.
I knew I had to apologise to her, and to own up to my stupidity. My sickness had gone beyond physical pain, into a spiritual malaise. So the cure would be a spiritual one. Confession and repentance.
The biblical diagnosis of my symptoms? Trusting in the flesh. Because of a series of bad experiences with Timorese leaders lately, I had grown sceptical, un-trusting, sometimes, angry, with the very people that God has called me to love. These attitudes coloured the way I related to the young Timorese doctor. Perhaps I did not trust her completely. I esteemed the advice of an Australian doctor, and the results of my own (pathetic) research over and above the perspective of the young, female, Timorese doctor. That was why I switched medicine without much consideration. Surely this American-brand antibiotic would be better for me, than the Indonesian one.
Where pride is at work, a tremendous humbling is sure to follow. And that was what happened to me, on the first day of 2008. Physically, it was one of the toughest times of my life. But spiritually - it was good to start the year totally and completely humbled before God, and a Timorese young woman. I hope I remain in that posture throughout 2008 and beyond. May God help me.
And rely on horses,
Who trust in chariots because they are many,
And in horsemen because they are very strong,
But do not look to the Holy One of Israel,
Nor seek the Lord!" [Isaiah 31:1]
2007 ended with a stupid mistake, and 2008 began on a very, very humbling note.
Over the past few weeks of being sick, I had been furiously googling about the parasite that was supposedly behind the diarrhea. I read tons of medical articles about the parasite, the symptoms, and the treatment. I also got the name of an alternative antibiotic for the condition.
So when LS finished her medication from the hospital and was still unwell, I suggested to her to find this alternative medicine. She did, and got some.
What happened next was a moment that I would regret. Thinking that this new medication was better than the Indonesian medication I got from the hospital, I made the switch - I stopped taking what I was prescribed and started on the new antibiotic.
After three doses of this new drug, the diarrhea returned with a vengeance. Once again I was passing watery stools, and was completely weakened. I feared the onset of anemia again. It was rather frightening. I wondered why the diarrhea had returned again - and then it sank in. The new antibiotic must not be working for me.
I continued to be tormented with discomfort and diarrhea for the next two days. Finally, on the 1st of Jan, 2008, I decided to go back to the hospital for help. I also felt I had something important to do.
The same doctor was there. She was a young Timorese. I told her what happened, and showed her the new antibiotic that I had started taking. Immediately she launched into a lecture on the dangers of switching medicine - the new drug could be too strong and damage my intestines, leaving a chronic problem. By then I was truly repentant and felt so sorry - so sorry for myself, and sorry that I hadn't listened to the doctor.
She then directed me to see a Cuban doctor, who basically gave me the same advice. This Cuban doctor said I should do a stool analysis. So I had to give them a sample. I tried as hard as I could, but I simply couldn't pass any stool.
Oh, the bitter irony of it all! How many times had I prayed desperately for the diarrhea to stop over the past two weeks. And now, at the very moment when I needed to produce some, it just wouldn't come. At that point in time, right there, balancing precariously above the squatting toilet, I was well and truly humbled.
I ended up not giving them a sample. As I walked out of the clinic, I stopped to talk to the young Timorese doctor. I put my hand on her and said sorry in Tetum. She put her hand on mine, said it was ok, and again gave me advice on keeping to doctor's orders.
I knew I had to apologise to her, and to own up to my stupidity. My sickness had gone beyond physical pain, into a spiritual malaise. So the cure would be a spiritual one. Confession and repentance.
The biblical diagnosis of my symptoms? Trusting in the flesh. Because of a series of bad experiences with Timorese leaders lately, I had grown sceptical, un-trusting, sometimes, angry, with the very people that God has called me to love. These attitudes coloured the way I related to the young Timorese doctor. Perhaps I did not trust her completely. I esteemed the advice of an Australian doctor, and the results of my own (pathetic) research over and above the perspective of the young, female, Timorese doctor. That was why I switched medicine without much consideration. Surely this American-brand antibiotic would be better for me, than the Indonesian one.
Where pride is at work, a tremendous humbling is sure to follow. And that was what happened to me, on the first day of 2008. Physically, it was one of the toughest times of my life. But spiritually - it was good to start the year totally and completely humbled before God, and a Timorese young woman. I hope I remain in that posture throughout 2008 and beyond. May God help me.
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